Oh Alexa Chung- that girl who suddenly I was supposed to know & care about yet couldn't quite figure out why. Sure, she's beautiful and probably talented at something but since I still don't know, I refuse to learn. It's my own form of non-violent resistance, kind of like Gandhi. But of course, you fucking love her don't you. Everyone does.
Hey, we all had the Klutz Nail Art book from the 90's. I've already done my fair share of painting ladybugs and flowers on my fingers and toes with a toothpick. But come on, nobody is going to paint effing Starry Night on their fingers. These designs had to take hours and 3 assistants to complete. They're cute, but think about how desperate you'd look if you went out in public like this!
The word Smitten
There's no doubt Brooklyn is to blame for this one, so I can't help but feel a sense a guilt for marrying a man who has a full beard, including mustache. We know not what we have done...
She was in The City on MTV. Now she clogs up my Pinterest feed with her pristine features and the untarnished lustre of trust fund privilege. She sucks. I'm jealous.
This one also falls under the "Klutz did it in 1995" category. I seriously don't know anyone who has the hair to pull off a fishtail, which leads me to believe they are mostly made of horses just like our hamburgers.
Oh Instagram, look what you started. Why bother learning to take a good photo when you can take a shitty out of focus one, add a filter to mask the crappiness and pass it off as artistic license? Trust me, I look at thousands of professional photos every day for my job, so I've learned a thing or two. I like Instagram for photo sharing, I could just do without all the sepia-tones and soft focus.
It's the new "Keep Calm". In fact, "they" (the Internet gods, of course) wanted to make a poster that said Keep Calm and Carry on For Like Ever but, like the collision of two atomic nuclei, such a creation could threaten our very existence and alter the course of life as we know it. Rumor has it that North Korea has been trying to get its hands on these posters "For Like Ever." Of course, in America we forcefully defend one's right to bear arms, but if you find yourself in possession of one of these posters: Please! I implore you, decorate with caution.