Episode 3: Get Thee to the Emmys
Last week's Unconventional Materials Challenge gave us all a toothache, but it was worth it to see Oh-My-Lantie go. This week is the Lexus Challenge!
What do you mean you don't know what that means?!!! It means Project Runway agreed to yet another awkward product integration that had absolutely nothing to do with the week's challenge! But hey, if Lexus wants to sponsor my next trip to Trader Joe's, I guess I'd let them drive me there.
Officially, the Lexus Challenge is designing an Emmys red carpet look for former Project Runway contestants, in the colors of Lexus cars. The designers are randomly paired and will have only 1 day to complete their looks. Most excitingly, the winner will accompany his/her client to the Emmys.
|All Photos Courtesy of Lifetime|
Mila Hermanovski from Season 7 and All-Stars. Both are menswear designers so naturally they decide to make a gown, which they've never done before. They choose a horrific red and black print. Even the sketch looks bad. Mila makes them change the fabric mid-day so we all know they're totally screwed. No need to dwell. See you in the bottom.
Christopher is paired with Andrea and tasked with dressing the gorgeous Anya Ayoung-Chee, winner of Season 9. At first Chris is all wet behind the ears getting to work the legendary and esteemed Andrea because she is OLD! That means she's wise and has dressed real celebrities!!! It doesn't take long for his awe to wear off, however, because this is the same lady who made a smock last week, in a FASHION COMPETITION. Their plotline throughout this episode reads like a Greek tragedy that begins with Chris as esteemed apprentice and gradually decrescendos to complete and total meltdown. Think Deliverance: the Musical (note to self: begin drafting script for Deliverance: the Musical).
Meanwhile, Melissa and Dmitry are paired up to create a gown for April Johnston, from Season 8. She's got purple hair and she's not going to change it. They must design a silver gown and choose a silk charmeuse, which, if you're a PR regular, you know is really really tough to work with, but they get along fine so we don't really care about them.
And finally, Nathan and Sonjia are paired with Valerie Mayen from Season 8 whose forgettable stint on PR has left her jaded and frayed. In fact, since the show she has been living a spartan lifestyle in an undisclosed, bucolic location- rejecting the societal conforms of fashion, beauty and hair dye. She didn't want to come back and dredge it all up again, but Tim Gunn persuaded her with his signature steadfast gaze. He held out a baby's bottom-soft hand and gently guided her back to civilization. Back on the show, they all get like 2.5 seconds of screen time the entire episode so we know they're safe. See ya next week.
A FEW EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS:
Nyan Cat theme song has been silenced. Alas, a cloud has been cast over Koolandia as our favorite Krasian is... sad. And when Kooan is sad, he can't sew. And why should he bother? He doesn't even have a line credit in the Gunnar Show and the white, trumpet-style gown does not reflect a single pom-pom's worth of his aesthetic. But the way this dress is turning out that's actually a good thing.
The models hit the runway and my fears are almost completely realized. No one should have to go to the Emmys in these dresses, except for Melissa & Dmitry's silver charmeuse gown, which was perfect for the slightly androgynous April and had a really beautiful back.
But the judges had contact highs from that new-leather smell in their Lexuses and saw differently:
The judges just loved Kenley's navy-blue tea-length 50's-style dress. Heidi said it looked expensive. Nina loved the short length but Krysten, though she loved the silhouette, disagreed on the legnth. Then, in a heartbreaking moment, exclaimed that she'd never been to the Emmys! Michael Kors really summed up their success by saying they designed a dress in Kenley's style but with Ven's polish. And only then did Fabio climb off Ven's coattails and breathe a sigh of relief.
The other top design was inexcusably Gunnar & Kooan's white gown. I believe their true success was in hiding their failures with a stunning gold collar necklace and a white tulle train to cover the ass nubbin. Did anyone else notice that the dress was like 4 inches too short?!!! Also, I couldn't put my finger on it at first but I knew this design looked familiar and then it hit me:
Total ripoff. And bad. Judges, just so you know, I'm judging you.
|All Photos Courtesy of Lifetime|
And then Chris lost it. He snot cried about how bad he wants this and generally made a fool out of himself at the expense of Andrea. This is just too good for one show. I can't wait to watch the spin-off Lifetime Made-For-TV Movie, Designing Doom: The Christopher and Andrea story. There will be tears, betrayal, mysterious disappearances (more in this later), unbridled passion and heedless ambition. I'm beginning to think our cutey Christopher is the Ted Bundy of Project Runway.
In the end Ven won again and Raul got the Auf. Since none of these dresses deserve camera time, I say they forget Ven and Kenley and just take Krysten to the Emmys for godssake!
EPILOGUERight when we think the episode is over, we find out that later that evening Andrea DISAPPEARS. She left in the middle of the night, or so Chris would have us believe. Next week's previews hints that Kooan might be next. Something's rotten in Denmark, I say. Elena, Chris, Buffi- I'm on to all of you.
TO BE CONTINUED...