Riot For Design: Project Runway Season 10 Recap- Episode 3

Episode 3: Get Thee to the Emmys

Last week's Unconventional Materials Challenge gave us all a toothache, but it was worth it to see Oh-My-Lantie go. This week is the Lexus Challenge!

What do you mean you don't know what that means?!!! It means Project Runway agreed to yet another awkward product integration that had absolutely nothing to do with the week's challenge! But hey, if Lexus wants to sponsor my next trip to Trader Joe's, I guess I'd let them drive me there.

Officially, the Lexus Challenge is designing an Emmys red carpet look for former Project Runway contestants, in the colors of Lexus cars. The designers are randomly paired and will have only 1 day to complete their looks. Most excitingly, the winner will accompany his/her client to the Emmys.

All Photos Courtesy of Lifetime

I love team challenges. Watching creative people try to work together toward a single vision is like telling five year-olds to take turns in a game of Hungry Hungry Hippo. Rev up your (Lexus) engines, folks! Here we go!

Elena (if that's her real name) is pissed she got paired with Buffi to create a gown for Laura Bennett from Season 3. Their sketch looks 100% Elena so it's not surprising that she takes the lead and sequesters Buffi to the ironing table for the entirety of the challenge.

Meanwhile, Raul and Alicia are tasked with designing for Mila Hermanovski from Season 7 and All-Stars. Both are menswear designers so naturally they decide to make a gown, which they've never done before. They choose a horrific red and black print. Even the sketch looks bad. Mila makes them change the fabric mid-day so we all know they're totally screwed. No need to dwell. See you in the bottom.

Ven and Fabio must work together to create a dress for Kenley Collins from Season 5 and All-Stars. Ven has immunity from winning last week's challenge, so Fabio's in the hot seat if things don't work out. Luckily for both of them, Kenley is currently pharmaceutically compliant with her Zoloft Rx, so she's happy! She just loves EVERYTHING!

Christopher is paired with Andrea and tasked with dressing the gorgeous Anya Ayoung-Chee, winner of Season 9. At first Chris is all wet behind the ears getting to work the legendary and esteemed Andrea because she is OLD! That means she's wise and has dressed real celebrities!!! It doesn't take long for his awe to wear off, however, because this is the same lady who made a smock last week, in a FASHION COMPETITION. Their plotline throughout this episode reads like a Greek tragedy that begins with Chris as esteemed apprentice and gradually decrescendos to complete and total meltdown. Think Deliverance: the Musical (note to self: begin drafting script for Deliverance: the Musical).

Meanwhile, Melissa and Dmitry are paired up to create a gown for April Johnston, from Season 8. She's got purple hair and she's not going to change it. They must design a silver gown and choose a silk charmeuse, which, if you're a PR regular, you know is really really tough to work with, but they get along fine so we don't really care about them.

When Gunnar realizes his partner will be Kooan, he makes a face like he just stepped in dog crap. They must make a dress for Irina Shabayeva, winner of season 6, aka the least memorable PR winner. Right from the beginning we can see that this is going to be the Gunnar show, written, produced and directed by Gunnar and starring... Gunnar!

And finally, Nathan and Sonjia are paired with Valerie Mayen from Season 8 whose forgettable stint on PR has left her jaded and frayed. In fact, since the show she has been living a spartan lifestyle in an undisclosed, bucolic location- rejecting the societal conforms of fashion, beauty and hair dye. She didn't want to come back and dredge it all up again, but Tim Gunn persuaded her with his signature steadfast gaze. He held out a baby's bottom-soft hand and gently guided her back to civilization. Back on the show, they all get like 2.5 seconds of screen time the entire episode so we know they're safe. See ya next week.

A FEW EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS:

Elena gets pissed off because Buffi is not doing enough, even though she won't actually let her do anything. She might as well be designing with iron curtains. At one point Buffi tells Elena to calm down which sends Elena into roid-rage. She storms out of the workroom, presumably off to rent a bus under whence she will throw Buffi during judging.

Like the fall of the Soviet Union personified, Buffi is exhilarated but confused by her new-found liberation from the Elena's oppressive regime. The other designers tell her to just keep working on the dress alone. Come on Buffi! Now's your chance to Spice Girls the shit out of that dress and give Elena a heart attack. People in the hospital have to drop out of PR and, really, your name's Buffi and the only way you'll last in the this competition is if other contestants die so GO FOR IT!!! As Elena herself says, "The weak ones don't survive."

Now over to our Kooan Cam- I am sad to see that his inner-Nyan Cat theme song has been silenced. Alas, a cloud has been cast over Koolandia as our favorite Krasian is... sad. And when Kooan is sad, he can't sew. And why should he bother? He doesn't even have a line credit in the Gunnar Show and the white, trumpet-style gown does not reflect a single pom-pom's worth of his aesthetic. But the way this dress is turning out that's actually a good thing.

And the best part is Irina, who acts like winning Project Runway deems her Karla Lagerfeld, and demands that her designers fix the ass nubbin in her dress. I hope the dress makes her look fat.

And finally, our Greek tragedy continues to unfold between Chris and Andrea. This couldn't be worse if Christopher were Oedipus himself, discovering that Andrea is, in fact, his own true mother. I feel bad hating on Andrea because I love her attitude and she reminds me of la-di-da Annie Hall, but she spends all day fucking up a skirt.

Judging time! I'm excited to see the gowns on the runway, mostly because I think there's a distinct possibility they will ALL look like crap. Our guest judge is the adorable Krysten Ritter, who's on some new show but most importantly had a small role in one season of BREAKING BAD!!!

The models hit the runway and my fears are almost completely realized. No one should have to go to the Emmys in these dresses, except for Melissa & Dmitry's silver charmeuse gown, which was perfect for the slightly androgynous April and had a really beautiful back.

But the judges had contact highs from that new-leather smell in their Lexuses and saw differently:

The TOP:

The judges just loved Kenley's navy-blue tea-length 50's-style dress. Heidi said it looked expensive. Nina loved the short length but Krysten, though she loved the silhouette, disagreed on the legnth. Then, in a heartbreaking moment, exclaimed that she'd never been to the Emmys! Michael Kors really summed up their success by saying they designed a dress in Kenley's style but with Ven's polish. And only then did Fabio climb off Ven's coattails and breathe a sigh of relief.

The other top design was inexcusably Gunnar & Kooan's white gown. I believe their true success was in hiding their failures with a stunning gold collar necklace and a white tulle train to cover the ass nubbin. Did anyone else notice that the dress was like 4 inches too short?!!! Also, I couldn't put my finger on it at first but I knew this design looked familiar and then it hit me:

Total ripoff. And bad. Judges, just so you know, I'm judging you.

The BOTTOM:

Hello again, Alicia and Raul. Mila's dress was predictably disastrous, with a weird curved waistline paired with a straight belt, crooked hemline, wonky neckline... the list goes on. Nina said it looked frumpy and like they put in zero effort and MK said there was a horse somewhere missing it's tail. Everyone agreed they should have made a suit. WHY DIDN'T YOU MAKE A SUIT?!!!!

All Photos Courtesy of Lifetime

And the moment we've all been waiting for: Andrea and Chris. Anya's brown dress was horrific. It looked like she stuffed her bra with newspapers. MK said she looked like a walking Hershey bar. Krysten said it looked like a Halloween costume you get at a drugstore- though I'm wondering if Walking Hershey Bar is all that high in demand.

And then Chris lost it. He snot cried about how bad he wants this and generally made a fool out of himself at the expense of Andrea. This is just too good for one show. I can't wait to watch the spin-off Lifetime Made-For-TV Movie, Designing Doom: The Christopher and Andrea story. There will be tears, betrayal, mysterious disappearances (more in this later), unbridled passion and heedless ambition. I'm beginning to think our cutey Christopher is the Ted Bundy of Project Runway.

In the end Ven won again and Raul got the Auf. Since none of these dresses deserve camera time, I say they forget Ven and Kenley and just take Krysten to the Emmys for godssake!

EPILOGUE

Right when we think the episode is over, we find out that later that evening Andrea DISAPPEARS. She left in the middle of the night, or so Chris would have us believe. Next week's previews hints that Kooan might be next. Something's rotten in Denmark, I say. Elena, Chris, Buffi- I'm on to all of you.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Project Runway Season 10 Recap- Episode 3