The Truth Shall Set You Free
It's Fashion Week, which means Project Runway is halfway over already! It also means the Project Runway winner has already been selected! Earlier this week the remaining 8 contestants all showed fashion week collections; 5 dummy collections to plus the top 3 finalists. Let the spoilers begin! I'm trying my best to avoid any pictures of the show, seeing as how my superior eye would surely be able to identify the finalists.
Back to the episode, the designers are pouring one out for their homies (last week we said goodbye to our favorite granola, Alicia) and fearing who will be the next to fall. Off camera, the designers are suspicious of Christopher AKA Ted Bundy and his involvement in the disapperance of not one but TWO former contestants. Sensing this discord, Christopher claims he's scared for who's going to go home next, but I'm not buying it. Christopher's not going home any time soon.
At Parson's, we learn that this week's challenge is the HP Intel textile design challenge. The designers must use the provided HP Intel technology to create a textile inspired by their cultural heritage. There to explain the challenge is Mondo Guerra, winner of Season 9's HP Intel Textile challenge, with his unforgettable + patterned pants. He advises the designers to find truth in their textiles because truth leads to powerful moments. This is most helpful if you're garnering a sad, dark secret that you will choose to reveal to the judges on national television. Christopher and Elena shudder; some secrets were not meant to be shared.
Tim goes on to say that the contestants will be provided with a "dossier" of their cultural heritage, delivered by someone special, which is duh family. But the designers are all truly surprised to see their loved ones and it's a touching, snot-filled moment in the workroom.
Did Chris yell, "Hey, Girl!" to his mom when he first saw her? Can we get a confirmation on that? His mom was a trip - she was a total Project Runway pro, saying she always loves the textile challenge episode and being all "Make it work, Chris." And he needed all the help he could get with that sorry-looking ladybug? print.
|You know, Chris, one day you're in and the next day you're out. So you better make it work. Don't forget to use the Lord & Taylor accessory wall.|
Meanwhile, after Gunnar announces that he wants to buy his mom a boob job if he wins Project Runway, we have the pleasure of meeting Mama Gunnar and her itty bitties in all their glory. Admit it, your eyes went straight to the woman's chest the first chance you got, didn't they? Mine did. I appraised the situation like an esteemed plastic surgeon. Does she need a boob job? I'll be the judge of that!
At this point I was really hoping Gunnar's textile would be fried butter and 400 cc's of silicone, but he took it in a different direction. Gunnar chose a print with a bird breaking free from two ominous-looking hands to represent his struggle with bullying as a child. I thought the pattern looked whimsical and a bit ethereal- definitely interesting. Plus, and forgive me for saying this, bullying is so hot right now.
Next we get to meet Elena's mom! Except that was not Elena's mom, but the little angel of her conscience that usually sits on her right shoulder; an extraordinarily slight woman in shades of platinum and white. Remember, Elena has no family anymore. She does not exist. She has only one objective; to restore Soviet shoulder pad domination. There eez no time for fyamily.
Fabio's print was of penises and vaginas. It was about as subtle as this:
But somehow Tim didn't pick up on it. He was too busy dry heaving over Ven's design. Ven's textile was by far and away the worst. His hibiscus print was way too large and only highlighted the amateurish illustration. Basically, the textile as a fabric was unusable, which is why Ven had to start performing fabric gymnastics on his dress form. His first design was a parade float. Tim Gunn said it looked like an homage to a menstrual cycle, with maxi pads sewn all over the dress. Nice.
Everyone else's prints were decent. I can't remember though, was there a meaning behind Elena's acid trip fabric? To borrow a phrase from the greatest movie of all time (not up for debate), Clueless, "it was a full-on Monet. From far away, it's OK, but up close, it's a big old mess." However in runway fashion, it only needs to look OK from afar.
And therein lies an important caveat to the textile challenge: the judges only see the clothes from the vantage point of the runway. Textiles can be tricky. And the cameras can play tricks on us viewers as well. I try to keep that in mind whenever I disagree w/ the judges when it comes to prints. Some prints just look like ass on camera even if they look nice in person. And vice versa.
With that it's time to get on to the runway!
This week's guest judges are Mondo Guerra and Anya Ayoung-Chee, Season 9 Project Runway winner! Ex-PR contestants make the harshest judges, I love it!
Melissa's red & white printed dress was chic and clean. I liked it but I didn't like it like it, ya know? She's usually a lot more edgy, but the pattern to this dress made it look preppy. MK agreed this was a different girl than we're used to seeing from Melissa, a Park Avenue girl. Nina said it was chic but Heidi, Mondo and Anya all agreed with me that it was a little too vanilla. The judges all gave her props for trying something new, a revelation for this season's contestants thus far.
Dmitry sent down a printed top under a black jacket and skirt. The jacket was spectacular and actually enhanced the print (which, I'm not sure would have stood on its own). However, no one mentioned the skirt, and I really wasn't a fan. It looked like skort. The judges were understandably dazzled by the jacket; Nina said it was phenomenal and Anya was impressed that he took the print challenge a step further. Heidi said the jacket was crazy good. MK was glad he stepped out of his dress comfort zone (finally!).
Sonjia sent down a flawless printed pant and perfectly understated yet chic top. I loved it, BUT it reminded me so much of Mondo's winning look I couldn't help but discredit it a bit. Mondo said it was one of the most successful garments out there (no surprise it was just his style) and MK said IF that print wasn't done right it would look like pacman eating her crotch BUT it looks fantastic. Good for Sonjia, but I was disappointed to learn we weren't going to see any crotch-eating pacmans tonight :(
After his horrendous review from Tim, Ven reverted to his rose/fanning technique and sent a hideous one-shoulder, pink pepto-stained dress down the runway. Heidi said the model looked like a Hawaiian Airlines hostess, Anya said it looked like 3 dresses in one and Nina said it was clear that he doesn't know what to do with print. Every agreed we're so over the fanning, even the fabric was like, dude, try something new!
Gunnar sent down his printed jacket over a sorry skirt and bland black turtleneck. I stand by my opinion that I liked the print, though it would have looked better in a smaller scale. However, I did agree with the judges that it was not cool or modern. Nina said the print looked sad and Anya and Mondo both said it didn't look like fashion. Ouch.
The runway was your standard affair, however, it's what happened AFTER the runway; deep, dark happenings under a watchful moon, that really decided tonight's outcome. A thick cloud of mistrust had been collecting and suddenly the judges found themselves doubting Tim Gunn's steadfast expertise. How could he let Ven show another fan dress? Is he who we think he is? Can we trust our favorite moth-eaten monolith? Tim Gunn, with trembling legs, was summoned to the judges lair. His hair askew, he begged their better judgement, singing like a canary as he recounted his tale of the menstrual homage. And then the judges were like, "Oh OK, thanks Tim." White as stone, Tim stepped off stage and sobbed until the tremors ceased. He then wiped his clammy brow, straightened his Ferragamo tie and went off to meet Terri for another "I'm too good for this shit" martini.
In the post-mortem, Christopher gives Gunnar a goodbye hug and Gunnar says "Christopher and I just made up, I think the world's going to come to an end." And with that, Gunnar's eyes go dull and he slumps forward to reveal the cold glistening steel of a knife, freshly impaled in his back.
Goodbye, Gunzipoo. You knew the truth, and the truth set you free. Here's one last photo as an homage to my PR sleeper favorite. It helps if you hum a little Sarah McLachlan.
|Auf Wiedersehen, Gunzipoo|
Next week I see sequin overload! I think the designers must have some sort of performers for clients, or perhaps prostitutes. It's reminding me of Season 4 when they had to design costumes for the WWE, which was hands down, MY FAVORITE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE EVER, so I just can't wait!
Until then, thanks for stopping by! Please check out my previous recaps, and the rest of my blog!
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